What my ad for Scott Brown would look like

Fade in to young woman wearing snazzy well-cut pinstriped skirt suit over a shell of deep red.  She sits at a small cherrywood table, legs crossed, showing a glimpse of black stilettos.

“Hi, my name is Lissa Michaels, and I’m supporting Scott Brown for US Senate.  Now, there are a number of reasons why I’d like him as my next Senator, but here’s the really important one: He can stop the health care monstrosity that’s being jammed down our throats.”

Slow zoom in; focus on dark eyes, wide with earnestness.

“Look, you know, and I know, that most people don’t want this health care bill to pass.  Voting on bills at 1 and 2 AM, writing the bill in secret, bribing senators from Nebraska and Louisiana — that’s not the American way!  I want better health care, definitely — and I’m 100% convinced this is NOT the way to get it.  All the efficiency of FEMA with all the compassion of the IRS — does that sound good to you?”

Short montage of Scott Brown shaking hands with voters outside of Fenway during this next part.

“Scott Brown wants better health care, just like I do.  And just like me, he doesn’t think bigger government is the way to get there.  He supports strengthening the existing private market system with policies that will drive down costs and make it easier for people to purchase affordable insurance.  Unlike the politicians currently in Washington, he’s listening to voters!”

Flash back to young woman, now standing outside with campaign sign.

“Vote for someone who will help you keep your health care.  Vote for Scott Brown.”

Flash to Scott Brown (warm lighting)

“I’m Scott Brown, and I approved this message.”

. . . .

Extended version:

Flash to young woman, this time dressed in jeans, boots and a long-sleeved shirt.  (And eye and ear protection.)

“And besides . . . don’t you like making Martha Coakley cry?”

She lifts a Gold Cup 1911 and quickly drills five shots into the X-ring.

“I know I do!”

The End

(Inspired by Bruce’s posted video)

So much for privacy in the bedroom

Hey, Mike, let’s move to France!!  That way, every time you call me silly I can call the cops on you.  Brilliant!

Under a new law, France is to become the first country in the world to ban ‘ psychological violence’ within marriage.

The law would apply to cohabiting couples and to both men and women. [snip]

The law is expected to cover every kind of insult including repeated rude remarks about a partner’s appearance, false allegations of infidelity and threats of physical violence.

Police are being urged to issue a caution in the first instance, but repeat offenders could face a fine, a restraining order or even jail.

Critics said the measure was a gimmick produced in response to lobbying by feminists and would be impossible to implement.

But French premier Francois Fillon, who announced the law, said: ‘The creation of this offence will allow us to deal with the most insidious situations – situations that leave no visible scars, but which leave victims torn up inside.’

You know what else can leave a woman torn up inside?  When her husband leaves her.  So let’s make a law against divorce, shall we?

No?  That wouldn’t go over so well in France?

It’s just so stupid on so many levels.  It assumes that quarreling adults can’t solve problems themselves, nor with the help of friends, family, marriage counselors, the clergy, and nude sunbathers.  Noooooo, only The Law can take care of men and women having a verbal argument!

It invites a beautiful pantheon of he-said-she-said.  “She called me a queer!”  “No I didn’t, you called me a bitch!”  Well, gracious, let’s have the court get to the bottom of this.

You know what would be easier?  Let’s install electronic surveillance inside every room of every house, so we can tell exactly who said what.  That makes sense to me.

After all, it’s not like there’s any actual crime in France that The Law should be addressing.  Nosirree, it’s all escargots and frog legs, so they might as well tackle the knotty problem of spouses squabbling.

IDIOCY.

(h/t The Corner)

Now that’s a man

post deleted — I’ll explain later

A pound of bacon, two pounds of sausage, three pounds of beef

Man, Brigid doesn’t screw around while making chili, does she?

I meant to prep all the ingredients last night and let the chili cook during the day, but I wasn’t sure how the fizziness of the Coke would hold up overnight.  Or if it would matter.  Oh, and I’d thought that I had quite a large crockpot.  Silly me!  I had to eat a bowl of the mixture last night for dinner (I browned everything, so no raw ingredients) and leave out one of the cans of tomato sauce and also throw out perhaps a half cup of ground beef and onions.  (That wasn’t the fault of my crockpot, that was the fault of my paper towel holder and the automatic soap dispenser that, well, dispensed.  I don’t think any got into the beef, but there’s no quicker way to ruin food than to taint it with soap, so I scooped out that section and threw it down the drain.)

I tasted it this morning when I took the pot out to cool it down — DELICIOUS!  Sweet, savory, smoky and spicy — all it needs is a dollop of fat-free sour cream and it’s perfect.  (Yes, fat-free sour cream, to top chili made mostly of browned meat.  I drained all the meat before adding it!  And blotted all possible fat off the bacon!  Shut up!!)

In preparation for my guests tonight — Mom and Stepdad and LilBro 2, in anticipation of LilBro2’s flight tomorrow morning — I also made “Muddy Buddies,” a.k.a. “Puppy Chow,” a.k.a. “Wow this tastes much better than I thought it would and certainly WAY better than it looks!”

Happy nomming!

P.S.  This works amazingly well on ground meat.  Thanks Mike!

P.P.S. Word to the wise:  When chopping up the Baker’s Unsweetened Dark Chocolate to go in the chili, do not — DO NOT — taste it.  Fleh!!!

I’m back! I’m back!!

Good morning all!  How was your New Year??  Mine was lovely, thanks; Mike and I continued our New Year’s tradition of ordering enough Chinese food to satiate an army and watching the ball drop from the big-screen comfort of our living room.  We watched a little of the musical entertainment stuff afterward for the sheer ridiculous entertainment aspect — what in God’s name are these “artists” thinking???

We rang in the New Year on January 1st . . . by going shooting   I’ve learned that, if I’m going to mix caliber in the same trip, I need to start with the 9 mm and then move to the .22.  If I start with the smaller caliber I just can’t adjust to the more powerful caliber; I tense up and start jerking the shots off.  Works better to start big and move down.

If my New Year’s resolution had been to shoot more, I’d be doing REAL well so far, in that we went shooting on the 2nd with the fine folks of the New England Winter Dinner 2010.  We brought Sigmund and Siguette — poor Siguito the Mosquito complained bitterly about being left behind — and trashed some targets.  Which I proudly presented to Our Community Organizer Jay G when we arrived at Jillian’s.

By the way, we decided that Mike and I are the anti-Jay G; not only would our guns comfortably fit into one safe, but they all have names. Yeah.  Siguette performed nicely at the range, but Marko’s Steyr was undoubtedly the blond cheerleader of our group.  *sniffle*  It’s okay honey, Mommy loves you the best!

We sledded over to Jillian’s to enjoy sophisticated, erudite conversation, which ranged from Korean pop singers (I took Scotaku to task about his seeming bias for Japanese girls — hmph) to smoking laws to mosquito migrations (real mosquitos, not SigSauer ones) to fruity adult drinks to movies (Red Dawn’s on my Netflix list, y’all!) to Christmas presents to The Caliber Wars to Marko’s magnificent fountain pens to the Duke-Indiana game of 2002 to . . . well, lots of other stuff

Mike and I skipped out early due to fear of the snowy roads.  Plus, I *suck* at pool

Thank you, Borepatch, for organizing the shooting!  Thank you, Jay G, for throwing together this lil’ shindig!  It was lovely to see you all!!

(And a special shoutout to my friends TOTWTYTR, Mrs. Borepatch, doubletrouble and Mrs. doubletrouble.  It’s always a treat to hug on you!!)

Drowning

Hoo boy, this week has been strictly about keeping my head above water.

Obviously, I’m pleased that Shoothouse Barbie and Dr. Boyfriend were able to stay, but it’s meant three nights in a row of going to bed past midnight.  Lissa needs more sleep than that to keep her coat shiny!

Plus, work has been a sh*tshow this week.  One of our group was scheduled for maternity in mid-January, but the inconsiderate little punk decided to make an unexpected appearance early Monday morning.  Kids these days!  Not even out of the womb and they’re wrecking everyone’s schedules!

I kid, I kid; we’re all pleased she delivered safely and that the baby was healthy.  Duh.  But since the mother doesn’t have access to a computer while she’s in the hospital, and she only called once, and my boss is out of the office this week, it’s been a mad scramble to divvy up her work and get it completed.

Anyway, long story short, I made some new friends this week, I saw some old friends, I had wonderful company, I miss my husband (who comes home tonight – yay!), and I’m completely exhausted.  I’m turning my caffeine mainline up to 4000 volts.

Anyone have fun plans for New Year?

Unexpected guests

Guess who dropped by the Kitty Den?  Shoothouse Barbie and Dr. Boyfriend!  What a good thing my apartment was already cleaned and tidied

As you can imagine, there was much late-night conversation and wine consumption, along with grip correction and Christmas gifts of Jeff Cooper.  If we make it to the range tonight, you’ll have pictures!

This year? SEVEN pounds of Who-Roast-Beast

Merry Christmas everyone!  We had four fewer people than last year so we downsized the roast to a more reasonable size.  Fewer leftovers, yes, but there’s still plenty for Lissa’s dinners this week!

Mike’s family and my father showed up around 4:10 PM to consume hors d’oeuvres.  (Bless them all for not showing up early!)  Mike firmly reigned in my tendency to go overboard with food, so we limited ourselves to fresh salsa and Tostidos scoops, fresh-baked pesto bread with Parmesan-garlic olive oil for dipping, Lays potato chips, and caprese salad made with three different kinds of tomato.  My father particularly complimented the salsa and asked for the recipe.  It’s very simple –

1) drive to Stop and Shop

2) buy a container of Fresh Salsa (you’ll find it in the produce section with the dips/chopped onion etc.)

I washed all the romaine and butter lettuce and ripped it to pieces and sliced up three carrots last night, as well as chopping up mushroom and onion for gravy (which I finished except for pan drippings before the folks arrived).  Once the roast was ready, I had only to a) steam the green beans, b) microwave three slices of bacon, c) boil the egg noodles, d) add grape tomatoes to the salad and dump it into a serving dish.  I’ve decided that microwaving bacon in a bowl is perfect for this preparation of green beans; I steamed them fresh and crisp, then tossed them with the resulting bacon fat and crumbled the bits over the top.  Delicious!  Even vegetarians admit that bacon is the perfect food.

After a break to clear away the carnage and open some presents, we re-convened for dessert.  Again, I kept it small this year — I baked an apple pie (thanks Mom!) and served it with banana bread and zucchini bread (a gift — thanks again Mom!).

I’m munching zucchini bread as I drink my coffee and looking around at my clean-and-tidied living room.  It’s a good way to approach the New Year.

I hope all of you made Santa’s Nice List this year!  But if you didn’t . . . well, I hear the people on the Naughty List have more fun anyway

Merry Christmas!

Drink your eggnog, scarf a cookie, and pet a kitty.  Ho ho ho!

Overslept!

Sorry y’all!  I rolled out of bed barely in time to make a dash for the shower and catch my train.  Since I had nothing of my own to share, I’ll send you here for today’s amusement.  The lesson:  Sweet, sweet alcohol is a naughty girl!  Also, some of y’all are lucky to still be alive.

My personal fave:

Third was, few years ago when I moved to Chicago for a while, I was partying pretty hard with my friend. We got our pizza at 3 am and I got into a “cab”. I yelled at the driver “State and Grand” the street I lived on.

Then I said to the drivers “why is there a cage wall in your cab?” Then I asked, “why are there two cab drivers wearing hats?”. Turns out, I crawled into the back of a cop car in front of hundreds of people. They were like “ma’mam [sic] you’re in a police car. You’re IN A POLICE CAR!!”. I sarted [sic] telling them to take me home and I couldn’t get out of the back seat.

They finally started laughing and let me out. They had to help me get out because I was locked in. My friends were laughing so hard that they were on the sidewalk laying down pissing themselves.

Lay off the eggnog, honey.