Happy Thanksgiving!!

Be glad you are not a Filipino lawyer

Talk about ball-busting job requirements:

Ms. Arroyo’s lawyer, Ferdinand Topacio, vowed on national television Wednesday to slice off one of his own testicles if Ms. Arroyo doesn’t return to face the investigation. “That’s to emphasize that I’m confident, as my client has told me, that they will return,” he said.

Do be careful what you promise to sacrifice…

Rajah says…

Mommy, you’ve been gone for days and days!! How about staying in bed and being late for work?

She looks damn good for 96!!

That’s her brand-new (and only) great-grandchild in the picture. She made sure to hold it up so it’s included in each photo 🙂

Preparing for travel!

Two bottles of nasty-ass Irish Mist*? Check!

Thirty boxes of mini Russell Stover chocolates with which to bribe the nursing home attendants? Check!

Three handheld massagers with vibration and infrared heat? Check!

Sixteen loaves of pumpkin spice bread made with Splenda? Check!

Off to the frozen north. Y’all be good!

*my 96 year old grandma has had a shot or two of this nasty swill every night for about forty years. The doctor admits it helps with her arthritis. So hush up already 🙂

I know how to shoot, thank you. Now kindly %*#€ off.

I really need to work on bringing out my inner bitch.

I tried out a new range over the weekend. It seemed nice enough — clean, well ventilated, with targets included and nice thick barriers between lanes — but it also came with That Guy.

Who happened to be one of the range officers.

I made the mistake of being friendly to Captain Knowitall. When he came by to check and see if everything was okay, I made the offhand remark that everything was fine, only my bill drill wasn’t as good as I’d like (shrug). Next thing I know the good Captain is in my shooting late, handling my guns, trying to correct my grip (“push-pull!”), and yammering the whole time about what an EXPERT he is at teaching, how he’s trained police and SWAT and Army — everyone but the Marines, because they know everything, right?

I should have told him politely but firmly that I didn’t want instruction at that time. Or less politely to mind his own business.

But he was so excited to “help” me and so enthusiastic about teaching that I just couldn’t figure out how to do it without being rude.

Sigh. I’ll be better prepared next time, you can be sure. I did mention it to the front desk and they apologized and said they had some problems with him. Oh, and I heard him doing it with other people after he mercifully left me alone, so it wasn’t just me he singled out for benevolent tutelage.

In all fields, it’s usually wise to ask people if want help and/or advice before liberally dispensing it. Doesn’t that go double when the recipient has a loaded gun in her hand?

Or is this the downside of an armed society being a polite society — difficulty telling Captain Knowitall’s to go pound sand?

If you read only one thing today …

… go read about CalvinsMom’s parents and their new furniture.  Go.  Do.  Would that every day started out with this much FunnyAwesome 🙂 🙂 🙂

Kitty piano. EVIL kitty piano.

I am very, very frightened.

And it gets worse, honestly it does:

I think I need a binkie and a hot toddy.

This is not pole dancing, this is Cirque du Freaking Soleil!!

Yes, I admit to a bit of headline-baiting. No one commented on my Rajah Pirate post nor my awesome sharpshooting skills and wah-boo-snivel-wahhhh etc.

This is amazing. Flat-out amazing. If I ever become one-tenth as fit as this woman I would be happy. Oh, and y’all with daughters and sisters – fear not. It’s not remotely sexual and she wears more than your average swimsuit for the whole performance. It’s just insanely graceful and gymnastic-fantastic and she has muscles in places we can’t find in Grey’s Anatomy. (If you’re in a hurry, the insanity starts at 1:20.)

Happy Friday!!

Lissa gets her Annie Oakley on!!!!

The top two things I learned from the Practical Fundamental class:

1) You do not PULL the trigger, you PREP the trigger. Which means you prepare the shot by applying a tiny bit of pressure to the trigger … then you prep a little harder … and you prep a little harder … until – BANG!

2) The gun should be held more like an eggshell than a grenade with the pin out. The instructor showed us that he could fire accurately holding the gun with only his thumb and middle finger. You should hold it firmly enough that it doesn’t jump around for repeat shots but you should NOT be white-knuckled.

When done properly, then on your first shot …

… you can hit an edge-on playing card at five yards.

Worth the price of admission right there 🙂 🙂 🙂

P.S. Yes, despite the hole next to it, I did it on my first shot. That hole was there from a drill earlier. Look real close. See?