Advertisement fail: THE BABY WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!!!!

Oh. My. God.

I’ve often thought that being a social worker would wear away at your soul, bit I didn’t realize it would be forcibly extracted, offered to Beelzebub Baby and used as a teething toy.

Michael Phelps made me cry!

When Mike showed me this ad a few weeks ago, I seriously laughed until I cried. He had to fetch me a tissue. And so, I present to you in all it’s glory…

Who knew that the back of a wine bottle sounds a lot like porn?

We had LilBro1 over for dinner last night — lasagna rolls (I added 93% lean ground beef), steamed broccoli and cream puffs (packaged, not baked) — and Mike was describing the composition of our dinner wine:

MIKE: “Produced on the Esporão estate from local Aragones, Trincadeira, Cabernet Sauvignon and Alicante Bouschet grape varieties.”

LISSA: “That sounds an awful lot like French porn.” (LilBro1 laughs.) “Seriously though, doesn’t it?”

MIKE (lowering his voice an octave): “InTENSE, DEEP RED color with a perfumed AROMA of RED BERRY FRUITS and . . . SPICY — AMERICAN — OAK.”

LISSA: (Busts out laughing. Is very glad she didn’t take a sip of wine, as it would have been shot across the dinner table. Through her nose.)

MIKE: “SILKY TEXTURED on the PALATE” (Lissa and LilBro1 are practically rolling on the ground by now) with layers of fruit contributing RICHNESS, balance and COMPLEXITY.” (waits for Lissa and LilBro1 to catch their breath) “Oh, and the final line? It’s about . . . a PHOTOGRAPHER.” (Lissa and LilBro1 completely lose it again)

So. Portuguese wine = French bordello. Any questions?

I added spinach to the bottom two; that's why they're greener.

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This post over at Borepatch’s reminded me of myself in my most arrogant, I-know-everything days.  (Oh — you thought that was now?  Oh no, I was much worse, I really was.)  I remember haughtily opining, one Christmas break, that democracy didn’t work particularly well because most people were too stupid and uneducated to vote the way they *should*.

It’s a miracle and a mercy my family didn’t just give me a beatdown and save themselves the trouble of listening.  They’re really good people, and I guess they really love me😉

Dear Leader says …

…eat your Snickers, kids!

Good LORD.

I’m not actually worried about an “epidemic of obesity” in this country, but I’m now prepared to 1) obsess over it, 2) blame the whole thing on Snickers.

Happy Monday!

(Also, thank you so much for your excellent housing tips.  We’re gonna be EXPERT homebuyers, y’all!)

Unbelievably sucky ad

Dear Burger King,

I understand that you ran this ad only in a limited market (Singapore).  I applaud your iota of common sense that kept you from running them world-wide.  That being said — See, there’s this little thing called the Internet.  It allows us to communicate with people all the way around the world — wow!  So I’d advise you to refrain from running ads like this:

Even if it IS to a limited market.  Because it’s just possible that folks in a larger market — like, oh, the United States, Canada, Great Britain, etc. — could get hold of this ad, and they might not think it’s very nice.  Or visually appealing.  Or intelligently creative. 

Just a suggestion!

lovelissa

P.S.  As is often the case, it’s not the porno reference that offends me so much as the utter and complete idiocy, bad taste and general stupidity of making such an ad.  For god’s sake, BK, don’t you have market research folks?

(h/t The Moderate Voice by way of Hot Air)

Wine ad fail

Look, y’all.  Isn’t this a beautiful advertisement?  Doesn’t it make you want to visit France and drink French wine?  (I admit I improved it a bit.)

Now look at the original:

ACK!  Who decided this smarmy, sketchy-eyed poofster would make a customer MORE likely to drink French wine? 

(h/t to Mike, who took one look and decided we’d be buying Shiraz for a while . . . )

All power to the virgin proletariat!

I pass this ad in South Station every morning:

Even aside from the distasteful Marxist-revolutionary imagery, whose brilliant idea was it to juxtapose “virgin” with fists?

And as for the “ALL AIRLINES ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL” line — well, if it’s meant to invoke Animal Farm, shouldn’t the designer be aware that Orwell wrote the book as a condemnation of Marxism-Leninism?

Or am I reading too much into this?

Four legs good, two legs bad!  BAA!!!

Ad fail

Inspired by Bruce’s Facebook Flair Fail — this one and this one I especially loved — when this popped up on my Yahoo screen I had to screenprint it.

Because, REALLY, y’all.  I just had an intense urge to get my degree online (in as Few as 2 Years!), so that I could earn a stuck-in-the-headlights terrified reindeer about to become elf-food diploma.

Poor reindeer are peeing their little reindeer diapers at the very thought.   Just LOOK at them — that’s the kind of sick, desperate smile that chickens give Colonel Sanders when he enters the pen.

Enough people thought this was a good idea that it got posted on Yahoo, y’all.  The next time you drive on the highway, the next time someone takes your credit card over the phone — it could be someone THAT DUMB.

Frightening.