A horrifying question of bathroom etiquette
Posted by Lissa on April 2, 2012
Let me pose you a hypothetical situation, dear readers. (It’s hypothetical, really it is. Nothing like this ever happened to me. I’m imagining the whole thing. Really.)
Let us say that you’re invited to a dinner party. Let us further say that the host has overnight guests, including the Guest of Honor (the reason the party is being thrown). When you arrive, one of these overnight guests (perhaps the GoH, perhaps not) is occupying the bathroom (#Occupy!). When he finally gets out, there are a few other guests who, like you, need to use the facilities, but they all let you go first because you’re the only girl and they’re like that.
And finally, let us say that when you get to the bathroom – knowing that several people will be using it after you – and you look in the toilet, there is a very clear. . . EXCREMENT TRAIL . . . running down the back of the bowl.
This trail does not disappear with repeated flushing. You look around frantically for toilet-cleaning materials but none are in evidence.
So. According to the Official Rules of Emily Post, what is the proper thing to do?
1) Shrug your shoulders, do your business and rejoin the party. So the next guest will think YOU left the trail; so what?
2) Leave the bathroom, closing the door behind you, and hunt down the host (who is in the middle of preparing dinner). Explain to him – and everyone around him – why you need cleaning materials. Ignore the buzzkill that you’ve inflicted on the party and further ignore the fact that you will be the butt – ugh – of all jokes with that group for the rest of your life.
3) Wad up a hunk of toilet paper thick enough to protect your fingers but just thin enough to avoid clogging the toilet. Wipe down and erase the trail and flush away the evidence. Wash your hands in super-hot water at least five times, while whimpering.
Tell me, dear readers. What would you do? What do you think I did?