Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

The party that wasn’t.

Posted by Lissa on May 9, 2011

Spring semester ended a week ago (A’s in Anatomy&Physiology and Developmental psychology, a disappointing B in Diet and Nutrition) and I thought about having a little cookout to celebrate. I texted out to some of the people i’ve studied with, asking if there was enough interest to start baking. A few people said yes, among them the woman I’m friendliest with, so I set it at Saturday at noon. Nothing elaborate — just burgers, hot dogs and a few other munchies. As of the night before I had one woman who was hoping to come, another young woman who asked if she could come right at noon since she had a 4:30 commitment, and a third woman who said she was bringing four people.

Guess how many showed?


The girl who asked to come at noon texted me at 11:30 full of apologies saying she was still running errands and couldn’t make it. The woman who was supposed to bring four said she was running late. Then, at two, she was waiting for someone to pick up her kid’s friend. Then, at four, she was waiting for her fiancé to change out of his work clothes and eat something. She finally cancelled around 4:30.

Seriously? A bit of WTF, no?

We had a good afternoon anyway — I’d gotten all my housework done early so I spent the afternoon reading and floating in the pool, and Mike’s burgers were delicious — but I was definitely disappointed, a bit hurt, and kind of confused. I mean, I know I’m all old fashioned and conservative, but I kind of thought that when you tell people you’re going to show up — especially when they ask you for a headcount for food and you tell them multiple people are coming — then you, you know, come.

Maybe it’s just me??

10 Responses to “The party that wasn’t.”

  1. Joe said

    No, it’s not just you. Unfortunately, that’s how people seem to be today. No sense of commitment or follow through. If something else comes up that they want to do more, they’ll do that instead.

  2. Peter said

    No, it’s not just you. Anyone who was raised with even a lick of decency would feel the same. Unfortunately, many people today aren’t raised with even a lick of decency . . .


  3. Butch Cassidy said

    At my daughter’s last birthday party, exactly one family bothered with the whole RSVP thing. A bunch of people showed up and grumbled about us not putting out enough food. They were told that I planned a menu for those who were known to be coming and everyone else had no right to any expectations.

    Most understood, but one mother continued to push the issue; so I ate the last burger in front of her.

  4. guffaw said

    Bill ’em!
    Send them a polite letter explaining about your expense, and bill them for
    their ‘fair share’.
    Maybe they’ll show, next time (if you want them).

    ps – I know, I’m a curmudgeon.

  5. Nope – not just you. I’ve been stood up like that many times before – I attribute it to “no home raising”. The one that really gets my goat is when someone cancels on you *after* you are already en route to the restaurant…

  6. RobertM said

    Been there, done that. It drives me nuts.

  7. Sarah said

    It’s not just you. If one doesn’t intend to do everything possible to keep one’s word, one should not give it. IMO.

  8. I have even noticed an inverse correlation between the number of times that someone verifies that they will be somewhere and the likelyness of them actually appearing.

    I drive my friends up the damn wall with this. Kate says “such and such called to say he would be here at 9 on friday”. Me “That’s what, the third time he’s said that. He must not be coming”. Guess what… he didn’t show. They always wonder how I know when people aren’t going to show.


  9. julie said

    I’m with Stuart.

    The more someone ‘demands’ special circumstances or asks questions the less likely they are to show.

    This goes double for anyone who is ‘going to bring friends’.

    I don’t know WHY this is but if anyone does any of the above, I mentally scratch their name from the list of “those who will actually turn up”.

  10. […] the kitchen table drinking coffee and just having a brunch group instead of a shower. And, yes, this event was haunting my […]

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