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Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

OMG best restaurant review EVER!!!!

Posted by Lissa on March 21, 2011

I’m still cackling like a hyper-spastic drunken hyena over this beautifully-crafted gem of a restaurant review.

Twenty minutes later, possibly under their own steam, the snails arrive. Vesuvian, they bubble and smoke in a magma of astringent garlic butter and parsley. We grasp them with the spring-loaded specula and gingerly unwind the dark gastropods, curling like dinosaur boogers. They go on and on, expanding onto the plate as if they were alien. We have to cut them in half, which is just wrong. The rule with snails is: Don’t eat one you couldn’t get up your nose.

Dinosaur boogers?!? I may never eat escargots again!!

I have decided not to go for the famous roast chicken, mainly because I’ve suffered it before and I’d just been watching a Japanese couple wrestle with one like a manga poltergeist from some Tokyo horror movie, its scaly blue legs stabbing the air. So on to the broiled kidneys. Nothing I have eaten or heard of being eaten here prepared me for the arrival of the veal kidneys en brochette. Somehow the heat had welded them together into a gray, suppurating renal brick. It could be the result of an accident involving rat babies in a nuclear reactor. They don’t taste as nice as they sound.

Everyone needs a good laugh on a Monday morning — go read the whole thing 🙂

(h/t Go Fug Yourself)

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One Response to “OMG best restaurant review EVER!!!!”

  1. One of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

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