lookingforlissa

Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

In which I use lots of words that my pastor* pretends I don’t know

Posted by Lissa on March 8, 2011

We’re going to set aside the usual family-friendly nature of my site. Just for today. Apologies in advance. If I were on a computer instead of my phone I’d put this under the fold. Sorry guys!

Dear drivers on I-4 Westbound,

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?? YES, there was a wreck this morning. Yes, it shut down two lanes of traffic. But it was on THE OTHER GODDAMNED SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY!!! EASTBOUND, you stupid bastards! NOT OUR SIDE!!

IS THERE SOME KIND OF AFFIRMATIVE ACTION SHIT GOING ON?? THAT JUST BECAUSE THEIR SIDE IS JAMMED, OUR SIDE SHOULD BE TOO??

IF YOU *MUST* GAWK, WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL MISBEGOTTEN DEITIES DO YOU HAVE TO STOP WHILE YOU DO IT?!?!?!?!?

Thanks, you stupid assholes. You MORE THAN DOUBLED my commute. Eat shit and die, every one of you fuckers.

Love,
Lissa
P.S. I really hope no one was badly hurt in the wreck. The car looked pretty smushed. Which I saw while driving by WITHOUT SLOWING DOWN. Just sayin’.

*No, I don’t have a pastor. But you know what I mean.

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8 Responses to “In which I use lots of words that my pastor* pretends I don’t know”

  1. I used to commute from Northern New Hampshire to the Manchester area three days a week, during rush hour, when I-93 was ripped up thanks to the saving jobs whatever. I never wrote about it, but my Yosemite Sam routine sounded much the same as yours had anyone been in the car with me.

  2. Borepatch said

    C’mon, Lissa – don’t hide your feelings. Tell us what you really think.

  3. Jay G. said

    [clap][clap][clap][clap][clap][clap]

    Excellent rant. You have learned well, grasshopper.

    I give it a 3.5 out of 4 on the Jay G. Rage-o-meter.

  4. RobertM said

    That was amazing. And familiar.

  5. mike w. said

    IS THERE SOME KIND OF AFFIRMATIVE ACTION SHIT GOING ON?? THAT JUST BECAUSE THEIR SIDE IS JAMMED, OUR SIDE SHOULD BE TOO?? “

    Was the pavement on one side darker than the other.

  6. It’s not just FL or I4, it’s everywhere. I was driving in to work this afternoon and traffic on the interstate was slowing down because there was a police boat in the harbor with it’s blue blinky lights on. That’s right a boat about 500 yards away from the road was slowing down traffic on a major highway.

  7. Ross said

    Well said! I’d give it ***** of *****.

    Just magnificent.

  8. Sarah said

    Beautiful.

    Your rant, I mean, not the numbskullery that prompted it. 🙂

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