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Oh, c’mon now. Y’all are making me defend KOBE BRYANT?

Posted by Lissa on February 8, 2011

We’re from Boston, hometown to the Basketball Jesus.  And you’re making me defend a LAKER?  Who is also quite possibly a RAPIST and certainly an ADULTERER?

Sigh.  I hate you, World.  Alrighty, here we go.

Did y’all see this commercial?

I re-watched this over the weekend because Mike made a reference to Kobe’s nickname: Black Mamba.  (Thank you, Sports Guy, for letting me have even the weakest grasp on this stuff.)  If you watch carefully during the video you can see that he’s labeled his weapon with the word “MAMBA”.

And then I thought about it, and I googled it, and sure enough — folks called it “distasteful” and criticized him for looking “all smiling and happy.”

You should see ME after firing a REAL gun 😉

So, as is my wont, let’s get the disclaimers out of the way, shall we?

– I hate 3D video games.  They give me headaches and I can’t work the controls and they suck rabbit ass.

– I have never played Call of Duty (see above) and likely never will.  There are books to read and cats to pet, you know.

– Combat soldiers have hard, dirty, gritty, tough, dangerous jobs.  Video games are the opposite of that.

Okay?  Onwards!

I love this commercial.  I love the soundtrack, I love the cinematography, and the fry cook at the end* makes me LOL.  (Literally.  Not internet-speak, but actually bust out in audible giggles.)

I love it because it parallels the very best of the gunnie community: how people of all different ages, ethnicities, genders, vocations and (sometimes) political leanings can get together and have a great time.

You know what I saw the last time I went to the range?

1. A group of Caucasian-ish youngsters (says the old codger) sharing two lanes and two guns.  There were perhaps three guys and two girls and much giggling and rah-rah-ing (along with safe conduct).

2. A pair of my-age-ish black men shooting side-by-side.

3. What looked to be a father and his high-school-ish-aged son sharing a lane and taking turns.

4. What looked to be a 50s-ish husband and a wife sharing a lane and a revolver.

5. A guy who looked to be about sixty,  in a wheelchair, with another guy who might have been his son helping him set up and sharing their . . . um . . . Glock, I think.

6. A mixed-race hyperspastic pixie shooting next to a guy with fabulous green eyes.

And that’s what I loved about the commercial.  It had a beautiful young woman wearing stilettos (I liked her suit); a girl with glasses who was not skinny, working as a team with an obvious hippie wearing Birkenstocks and a dude in surgical scrubs; a guy wearing a construction hat; a guy wearing khakis, a blue short-sleeved shirt and what looks like a Blackberry; a balding guy wearing a three-piece suit (who answers the phone “Concierge”!!!!); Kobe Bryant; another balding guy wearing a tie; a guy in a football jersey, jeans and sneakers; a guy wearing a polo shirt who has “SSG TRAN” on his gun; Jimmy Kimmel (“PROUD N00B”); and the most awesomest closing character that I mentioned.

Oh yeah, and we’ve got multiple ages, multiple skin colors and multiple genders.

Centerfire is a language that crosses all boundaries . . .

So. Yeah. I really enjoyed the commercial, I thought it was well done, and I think it’s stupid to be upset at a multi-million dollar athlete taking what was probably hefty fee to advertise a game that he seems to like in what was clearly a video-game setting.

That is all.

*P.S. Do not ever fire two guns at once.  Really do not ever fire two guns at once while looking in a direction that neither of your guns is pointing.  KTHXBYE.

P.P.S. Guess that wasn’t all, was it?  Well, as long as I’m still writing, please remember there’s no scientific link between violent video games and actual violence.

UPDATE: Borepatch links. Thanks! (And you should totally click that link ’cause his description of the commercial is Most Wondrous!)

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18 Responses to “Oh, c’mon now. Y’all are making me defend KOBE BRYANT?”

  1. Jay G. said

    Appropos of this post, TheBoy got CoD: Black Ops for his 10th birthday.

    Yeah, I’m a terrible parent…

  2. Borepatch said

    Jay, these days, that’s like getting him Episode I …

    Lissa, this is simply outstanding.

  3. Jennifer said

    Love it!!

  4. Ruth said

    I have to admit to quite enjoying that commercial myself. Totally not my sorta game, but the commercial….yup, I had to watch it again on your link!

  5. Borepatch said

    I thought I’d send you a Borepatchalanche, but it looks like you’re getting 3 hits.

    Sigh. Maybe that is a Borepatchalanche …

  6. Ken said

    I still have SOCOM II for the PS2 lying around somewhere. Almost makes me want to try it again (I have no aptitude for these things; it’s why I play Playmaker Football instead of Madden).

  7. DirtCrashr said

    Jimmy Kimmel’s RPG has “Prouid Noob” on it, that’s cute. 🙂 I don’t play these games either, my wife won’t let me and I can’t figure out the controllers…

  8. DirtCrashr said

    Oops,”proud”…

  9. The grin on the girl after she fired the shotgun on the doorframe was probably bigger than the one she had after winning her spelling bee. Nice.

    “Centerfire is a language that crosses all boundaries . . . ” that quote is better than any politician crying for “unity and civility” in their speeches.

    Borepatch sent me. That makes 4, BP.

  10. bogie said

    I love the girl’s grin and the whole commercial is just fun. Unfrotunaely, I have no idea who any of the people are (as apparently I should from the reading the comments).

    Almost makes me want to buy the game and the only games I play are Hearts and Free Cell!

  11. Skul said

    OK, five. 😀

    Now I’ll go watch the commercial.

  12. Borepatchalanche #6

    That commercial is very cool. And your color commentary was awesome. I agree with others that it makes me want to buy the game, but I’m still trying to kill all the aliens in Duke Nukem! Sometimes ya gotta leave it to the younger ones.

    Putting you on my ‘roll.

  13. alan said

    I had to watch that a few times. Makes me grin every time.

  14. JimShyWolf said

    Ummm, I guess I should start by blaming Borepatch for sending me here. OK, he did- he’s the guilty culprit.
    Now I guess I gotta come clean and say… I didn’t recognize anyone- but your descriptions told me who they are/were- so I guess I can say I know a couple now. Not that I’ll remember them tomorrow. (Old age, y’know 😉 )
    Thanks for an entertaining few minutes.
    Shy III
    Did I do Okie Dokie, BP? 😀

  15. […] first time I saw it on TV I LOLed and then rewound the live feed so I could watch it again.  Go HERE to see Lissa’s take on it.  Take the time to watch the trailer.  Then watch it again.  […]

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