lookingforlissa

Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

The “reset button” offered to the American business community

Posted by Lissa on November 4, 2010

This pool allegory over at Random Acts of Patriotism (h/t to Borepatch) inspires me to offer my own pool fable.  (Though I don’t expect to do so as well as ASM826!) I make no promise of truth nor falsity — this is a fairytale, y’all!

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Once upon a time Lissa found herself a new homeowner.  She tried her best to learn about lawn maintenance, and pest control, and how to kill (or not kill) wolf spiders, and how to work a pressure washer.  She also tried to learn to take care of the pool, but was very grateful when a kind and nice neighborhood woman came over to give her a head’s up.

“Sorry, I don’t want to stick my nose in or anything, but I know you’re kind of new to this, so I wanted to let you know . . . that gurgly, sucking sound coming from your backyard?  That means the pool water is getting low and you need to add some more.”

“Oh!” I exclaimed. “I’m so embarrassed!  I (and my husband) are  just kind of inexperienced with this whole home ownership thing and I’ve certainly never had a pool to take care of — thank you SO much for the advice!”

“No problem,” she smiled.  “It’s not a big deal, you can restore the level fairly easily; you just don’t want it getting too low or the pump can get beat up some.”

The previous owners had left a bunch of stuff for us that they apparently didn’t need, including a short length of hose attached to a spigot at the front of the house.  I unscrewed it and ran to the back of the house looking for another spigot I could use.  Bingo!  There was a spigot clearly marked “HOSE” right next to the (currently quiet) pool pump assembly.  I deftly attached the hose and turned the dial.

Nothing . . .

I tried a few more times but, clearly, this spigot didn’t work.  With a sigh, I made a mental note to get a longer hose.

Bright and early the next day, I ran over to Home Depot to get a real garden hose.  With longer tube in hand, I used a spigot at the other side of the house and promptly sent a small, clear stream of water into the pool.

Yay me!!!

Unfortunately . . . for some reason . . . the pool didn’t seem to be filling.  In fact, the water level was DROPPING.  I couldn’t understand it at all!

That is, until Mike took a trip around the side of the house.

“Um, Lissa . . . ” he said in a concerned tone of voice.  “I think I know why the pool water is dropping . . . there’s water shooting out of pump assembly at about twice the rate you’re filling it.”

Eventually a consulting house to multinational corporations agreed to hire me as a research assistant. Like a spy behind enemy lines, I arrived every day at my mid-Manhattan office and sat at my computer terminal, checking the Reuters machine that blinked bright emerald messages from across the globe. — Barack Obama, “Dreams of My Father.” [emphasis mine]

The End.

 

(Yeah.  The spigot marked “HOSE”?  That’s what you use if your pool gets too full.  And it only works while the pump is going, obviously.  So if you open it up while the pump is quiet, it will do nothing.  But if you leave that spigot open, the pump will merrily drain away the water the next time it turns on. Just so you know.)

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3 Responses to “The “reset button” offered to the American business community”

  1. Ruth said

    heh, my husband and I bought a house this summer with an above ground pool….first time either of us has had to deal with one. You shoulda seen us trying to figure out how to get it close up properly for the winter!

  2. ASM826 said

    Sometimes you don’t know something. Other times you don’t know something and you don’t know that you don’t know it. That second category seems to be a special place for really spectacular (and funny) outcomes.

  3. Borepatch said

    ASM826 said it. When we bought our first house, we didn’t know anything. Man oh man.

    Of course, some people think I *still* don’t know anything …

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