Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

It smells like Bigfoot’s . . . unmentionables*

Posted by Lissa on September 8, 2010

Comment from yesterday’s harness post:

Sarah said

There’s a cat I wouldn’t be turning my back on for a while. :)

Funny you should say that . . .


“Nine o’clock, Rajah.  Time to Skype your daddy!”

I scoop Rajah into my arms, sit down with him in my lap, and dial up Mike on the computer.  His picture pops up, I wave the cat’s paws at him, and we chat for all-of-ten-seconds before I smell . . . IT.

The pungent, nostril-curling reek wafts upwards in Waves of Stink.  It smells like a dead body marinated in vinegar and eaten — then pooped — by weasels. It smells like limburger cheese that has been out in the sun for ten days and then blended with Popov and kimchi.

Suspicious and full of dread, I lift Rajah’s hindquarter’s closer to my nose and sniff. The hair on the inside of my nostrils crumbles into ash.

“Auuuggghhhhh.  Love . . . he . . . ”

Mike has, of course, been watching the nose-twitching, the facial grimacing and The Fatal Sniff.

“Did he pee on himself?”


I try to pay attention but The Smell isn’t going away.  In fact . . . I hesitatingly lift a forearm and gingerly sniff it.

“Auuuuggghhhh.  Love, it’s ON me. My forearm smells like cat pee.”

Isn’t that how your romantic conversations go?


We exchange I-love-you’s and hang up. I chase Rajah into the bathroom post-haste. Five minutes later his butt, tail and hind legs have been sink-scrubbed and towel-dried, my clothes are in the wash, my arms are soapy-clean and catnip has been medicinally administered. We live to fight another day!!

Rajah . . . . sweetie . . . please stop peeing on your feet.


*It’s an Anchorman quote. Only the real line is a bit more obscene.

UPDATE: LOL, he didn’t actually pee *on* me.  He peed in the litter box. But he’s really dumb and sometimes he manages to pee on his own feet, or step in it while burying it, or whatever.  You don’t smell it until you pick him up and then it hits you over the head like a sledgehammer.


2 Responses to “It smells like Bigfoot’s . . . unmentionables*”

  1. Brad K. said

    Wow! Such a devoted kitty, willing to pee on himself rather than make for the kitty litter when Mommy has her heart set on futzing with the electronics.

    Hope the day shines brighter from here!

  2. Sarah said

    Ah, yes, cat pee – it of the distinct stench and ability to permeate all things, from human flesh to the clean laundry.

    My middle brother had a cat who, once, strolled right up to me, executed an abrupt about face, and whizzed all over my shin. No, he didn’t have any medical problems he was trying to make us notice – he was just marking his territory like the jerk that he was.

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