lookingforlissa

Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

Who knew that the back of a wine bottle sounds a lot like porn?

Posted by Lissa on August 10, 2010

We had LilBro1 over for dinner last night — lasagna rolls (I added 93% lean ground beef), steamed broccoli and cream puffs (packaged, not baked) — and Mike was describing the composition of our dinner wine:

MIKE: “Produced on the Esporão estate from local Aragones, Trincadeira, Cabernet Sauvignon and Alicante Bouschet grape varieties.”

LISSA: “That sounds an awful lot like French porn.” (LilBro1 laughs.) “Seriously though, doesn’t it?”

MIKE (lowering his voice an octave): “InTENSE, DEEP RED color with a perfumed AROMA of RED BERRY FRUITS and . . . SPICY — AMERICAN — OAK.”

LISSA: (Busts out laughing. Is very glad she didn’t take a sip of wine, as it would have been shot across the dinner table. Through her nose.)

MIKE: “SILKY TEXTURED on the PALATE” (Lissa and LilBro1 are practically rolling on the ground by now) with layers of fruit contributing RICHNESS, balance and COMPLEXITY.” (waits for Lissa and LilBro1 to catch their breath) “Oh, and the final line? It’s about . . . a PHOTOGRAPHER.” (Lissa and LilBro1 completely lose it again)

So. Portuguese wine = French bordello. Any questions?

I added spinach to the bottom two; that's why they're greener.

****************************************************************************

This post over at Borepatch’s reminded me of myself in my most arrogant, I-know-everything days.  (Oh — you thought that was now?  Oh no, I was much worse, I really was.)  I remember haughtily opining, one Christmas break, that democracy didn’t work particularly well because most people were too stupid and uneducated to vote the way they *should*.

It’s a miracle and a mercy my family didn’t just give me a beatdown and save themselves the trouble of listening.  They’re really good people, and I guess they really love me 😉

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6 Responses to “Who knew that the back of a wine bottle sounds a lot like porn?”

  1. Minnie said

    I’m SO coming over for dinner.

  2. Jay G. said

    Brownchicken browncow…

  3. Lissa said

    Minnie, there’s a standing invite!

    Jay . . . I had to Google that. Does that make me young, or just innocent?

  4. Borepatch said

    I’m sorry, I can’t compete with Wine Pr0n …

    😉

    Although Mike didn’t mention the afternotes of tobacco …

    (bow chicka wow wow)

  5. Brad K. said

    I fondly recall the bottle of Intercourse Blush wine I brought back from a bus tour through Lancaster County, PA Amish country. Bought at the Intercourse Winery, of course, in Intercourse, PA. (The tour story is that the name came from a buggy race sign, “enter course” that got mistaken. Yeah, right.)

    The wine was good, but not as entertaining as the label and story.

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