I woke up this morning . . .
Posted by Lissa on April 1, 2010
. . . to find a unicorn by my bed, a steaming cup of coffee balanced on his head. Rajah was perched on the magical creature’s back; he held nonfat nondairy creamer between his fuzzy paws and gravely offered it to me as I hopped out of bed. It was, of course, 3:00 AM. After inhaling my coffee I began my usual morning round of scrubbing each and every window, vacuuming and then steam-cleaning the carpets, wiping down the kitchen with bleach, and crocheting a new hat for Rajah.
All my morning chores done, I sliced up carrots, celery, onions and garlic, added spices, then set my homemade vegetable stock to simmer. I always make my own stock, you know; how else would I create my famous 10-Minute No-Calorie Tastes-Like-Butter So-Good-It’ll-Make-You-Weep Gourmet Meals?
I then went out for a run. I took a quick run down the street, paused to get water at my office in Boston, then ran on back to Lissaville. For a bit of practice I climbed up the side of the building rather than using that wussy elevator. A passing policeman looked a bit askance at me but I blew him a kiss and he went on his way, dazed.
Once back at the apartment I cleaned up the kitchen (again) and then showered and dressed. I spent forty-five minutes blow-drying and straightening my hair before twisting it into an eminently professional yet ethereally flattering style. I made my lunch and prepared to depart for work.
Only then I realized that it was only six AM and I had hours yet to spare. So I put my lunch in the fridge, kicked off my commuter-stilettos and set about solving world peace.
Do I even need to say April Fools? Yeah, I didn’t think so.