Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

Fun with foil-cutters

Posted by Lissa on February 5, 2010

I could have more accurately titled this post, “F*** foil-cutters,” but that would be vulgar (she said primly).

Dear my god, but it’s cold outside.  The alarm started going off at 5 AM, I reached out to whack snooze and drew back a paw covered in icicles.  The cat had abandoned his usual sleeping spot between my legs and migrated to my chest.  The implicit trade-off — more warmth for him, but more difficulty breathing for me — bothered him not a whit.  (Yes, yes, he would be both appropriately punished and warmer if he were wearing an elf hat and booties  Soon, Breda, I promise!)

Anyway, regarding foil-cutters – I don’t like them.  The ones with little blades quickly wear out; the blades go dull, or the doohickey just breaks in half.  Slicing about the neck of the bottle with a tiny knife has always seemed silly to me, and I rarely get a clean cut anyway.  My preferred methods have therefore been to A) stab the top of the foil with a corkscrew then rip it up with my fingers, or B) ignore the foil altogether and draw the cork up through it.

Mike hates this.  He has to pretend not to watch while I mangle the foil.  I don’t taunt him or anything.  Of course not.

But — thank you, B! — the problem is now solved.  Ta-da!!!!!

That’s right!  If the foil is loose enough to turn on the bottle, it’s usually loose enough for you to grab in your fist and pull directly off the bottle.

Plus, you get a fun little foil cylinder to play with!  (No, dear, it’s not a shot glass.  Put down the Jack Daniels.)

So there’s your happy tip for the weekend.  Forget foil-cutters, and just use your fist.  (And don’t forget to make appropriate grunting sounds while removing it, and a roar of triumph when it comes off.  Duh.)

Happy Friday, all!  Stay warm!


4 Responses to “Fun with foil-cutters”

  1. Brad K. said

    While working in Northern California a couple /cough/ decades ago, I enjoyed several wine tasting trips up Napa Valley. At one stop I picked up a “Butler cork puller” – a wide handle with two spring steel prongs. You slip the prongs down opposite sides of the cork (inside the bottle), and with a slight twisting motion the cork comes right out. With a bit of finagling, you can often slip the still undamaged cork back into the bottle. Note that putting the cork back into the bottle is only temporary – you have already admitted air, and the wine is already starting to . . . change, in President Obama’s terms. In the next couple of days the . . . change will make the rest of the wine unbearably awful. So don’t plan on keeping the rest of the bottle for another day.

    If you want the wine to keep, buy it in a box. Until you get that gurgle when air finally gets in, usually it will just keep on keeping well.

    I prefer pulling the lead foil “pest control” (keep bugs and mice away from the susceptible cork – the original “tamper proof” seals) caps off for the novelty, even though it makes the neck of the bottle look kind of nekkid. Some of the plastic caps, though, don’t pull off as well. For them, the sides of the prongs on the cork puller are good enough to dig off the top of the cap.

  2. Save the good foil, the heavy leaded kind, find someone who builds model tanks, airplanes, trains, etc., and give them a bag of ’em. Lead foil is great for simulating heavy cloth or flags or leather straps and the like at model-building scales. I’m just sayin’.

  3. Richard said

    My trick: take my pocket knife and slice a strip up the side of the foil, starting at the bottom. Just zip the edge of the blade right up the neck.

    Now grab one of the corners of the foil and pull. It’ll come off in one piece, even when it’s too tight to pull off whole.

  4. Yes, but the mental immage of you pulling the foil top off of a bottle of wine is… well… hard to get out of ones head once it is put there. Especially when you suggest making grunting sounds to make it seem more impressive…

    Well… not YOU specifically, I don’t know you other than the few blog entries that I have read, So I have inserted “generic girl” in your place so as to not objectify a real person.

    Quite frankly, now that I read it, I’m not sure if that makes it all less creapy… or more… Sorry, I’ll shut up now.


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