lookingforlissa

Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

Taking full advantage of patriarchy

Posted by Lissa on September 3, 2009

*ring, ring*

“Hello?”

“Good evening, may I speak to Mr. _____ please?” the caller inquired politely.

“He’s not here, may I take a message?”

“Is this Mrs. _____?”

“It is.  To whom am I speaking?” I asked.  Then I kicked myself, hard.  I could just TELL — I’d gotten myself into trouble.  The caller had that bright, shiny tone about his voice that meant he was about to ask me for money.  Sure enough . . .

“Well, Mrs. ____, this is Sergeant Friday of the Lissaville (Home of the Evil Conservatives) Police Squad, calling to remind you not to drink and drive, and to wear your seatbelts, and blah blah blah blah give us money please.  You can be a silver member for $60 or a gold member for $100, which would you prefer?”

“So sorry, Sergeant Friday,” I said sweetly, “but my husband handles the household budget and I can’t commit to anything without speaking to him.  But I’ll certainly let him know you called and I’m sure he’ll send you whatever he normally does.”

“Right, ma’am,” he replied anxiously, his voice a little less shiny.  “Or you can be a bronze member for just $25, how about I put you down for that?”

“I’m sorry, Sergeant,” I said, sweetly-with-a-hint-of-steel.  “I can’t commit this household to anything without speaking to my husband.”

“Wait!  How about — you can make a Goodwill donation for just $10?  I’ll send you the envelope!”

“Sorry.  I cannot commit to any household donation without speaking to my husband.”

“Oh,” he said, a bit crestfallen.  “Well, then, you have a lovely night.”

“Thank you, Sergeant, same to you,” I replied politely.

Now, we do normally donate to the annual police fundraiser, and Mike does normally make more decisions than whether we should deploy a missile shield in Europe.  But there’s just something about people calling up and begging for money that makes me dig in my heels and get stubborn.  And stingy.

Perhaps I should update our phonebook contact information to read

No soliciting.
No drop-ins.
No means NO.

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2 Responses to “Taking full advantage of patriarchy”

  1. Wally said

    “Yes, Sergeant Friday, I’ll be happy to make a donation in person when we pick up our pistol permits.”

  2. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!

    If you can read this sign it means you’re in range!

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