Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

Public service announcement

Posted by Lissa on May 20, 2009

In these trying times, it is wise to take a few basic common-sense precautions when traveling on the subway.

For example, it is prudent to always carry a pack of tissues.  Should you suddenly be overcome with sniffling, or sneezing, you will be able to tidy yourself neatly and quickly.

It is also wise to carry a small package of Sani-wipes or alcohol wipes with you at all times.  They are very handy if, for example, you wish to eat something but have not recently washed your hands.  They are likewise useful if you wish to cleanse your hands but there is no soap in the bathroom. 

Finally, if you have forgotten to carry tissues, Sani-wipes can be useful to clean yourself in the event that YOU HAVE SNIFFLED AND SNORKLED FOR THE LAST FIVE MINUTES AND I FINALLY LOST CONTROL OF MY STOMACH AND THREW UP ALL OVER YOU.

Thankfully, she was not sitting directly next to me, but rather a few seats down.  That way, the sounds that she was making – rather similar to a hippopotamus at feeding time, mixed with a healthy dose of a toilet coming unplugged – were not QUITE as loud as they could have been.  Still, I’ve lost all desire for breakfast.  *hurl*

P.S.  Yes, I did have tissues.  No, I did not offer her one; she looked, er, uninviting in the extreme.  Hearing someone snork and sniff for five minutes is preferable to getting in an altercation, which seemed the likely outcome judging from her appearance.

P.P.S.  CrankyProf wrote recently that “Before I was a mom, I had never been peed on, pooped on, snotted on or urped on — all in the same day.”  I have noticed that small children seem to excrete bodily fluids from various orifices at regular intervals; does this somehow become less gross when they are your own children?  Does the goo that they spew magically become less disgusting?  Inquiring minds – and future parents – want to know!!

3 Responses to “Public service announcement”

  1. Jay G. said


    As the dad of two bodily fluid-excreting machines, I’ll chime in here.

    It’s not that it’s any less gross when it’s your own kids; it’s that you get inured to it – after you’ve been barfed on for the 20th time, it totally loses the “ewwww” factor in favor of the “oh shit, now I have to run a load of laundry” factor.

    And having a boy means finding pee everywhere. Comes with the outdoor plumbing. I look at it as payback for the radiator cover I caused to rust through when I was a young warthog…

    [When HE was a young wart-hooooooooooooog!! — Lissa]

  2. Borepatch said

    I’ll second Jay’s comment, and add two things:

    1. The LORD is a merciful, and so He waits a couple of weeks before putting smell in a newborn baby’s poop. It’s a magical time, and by the time it gets smelly, you’re used to it.

    2. The mind shifts into “Git R Done” mode when you don’t have an alternative. I was flying with #1 and #2 Sons (age 6 and 3 respectively – yes, I was certifiably insane) when #2 Son blew chunks on me. At 30,000 feet. We had a layover in Dallas, and so I bought a “Dallas TX” golf shirt, and continued on our way (all my clothes were checked).

    It helps that I’d been barfed on a few dozen times, though.

  3. kiki chan said

    my husband says if it comes from a baby it’s “holy”. and i’m like, really?

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