Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

In which I confuse myself, a police officer, two women, and a dog or two.

Posted by Lissa on March 31, 2009

Everyone told me I would lose my mind in the run-up to the wedding.  Apparently it’s true.


“Sweetie, I won’t be home for dinner tonight, I’ve got that meeting.”

“Oh, the one for the Lissaville Animal Shelter?”

“Right, the one at the police department.  Must run, bye love!”

Cursing a bit, I hustled off to the Lissaville Police Department.  The meeting was at six and the clock already read 5:57; I *hate* being late to meetings, but while Lissa proposes, the T line disposes.

I made it to the building just after six and practically sprinted inside.

And found . . . nothing.

No sign.  No obvious conference room.  No gathering of people.

Oh, sh*t.  I *knew* I should have taken the time to review the email today.  Dammit, why do I always forget things like that??

As I glanced around with increasing confusion and consternation, a friendly-yet-authoritative voice called, “Can I help you?”

Shamefacedly, I turned to the courteous police officer speaking through the window.  “Um, hi,” I said with a resigned smile.  “I was looking for the meeting of the Lissaville Animal Shelter, and for some reason I thought it was here.  I must have REALLY read the sign wrong.”

He was nice enough not to laugh at me outright, but I could tell he kind of wanted to.  “Noooooo,” he drawled, “the only animals we got here are a DIFFERENT kind.”

“Right.  Right.  Sorry!” I mumbled, and fled.

Back in the car, I dug up my phone and called up email, thankful that I could access the meeting reminder without going all the way back to the Kitty Den.

202 Communication error, please try again

“Oh, c’mon, NOT NOW, phone.  Behave, dammit!  Give me my email!”

202 Communication error, please try again

202 Communication error, please try again

My mother would be displeased, but unsurprised, if she’d heard the language coming out of my mouth.

What else could I do?  I drove over to the Animal Shelter in the hopes of finding someone who — UNlike me — knew what the hell was going on.


“Excuse me!  You’ll need a shelter volunteer to escort you!”

(Apparently my suit and high-heeled boots were a dead giveaway that I wasn’t there to help with the dogs.)

“No, no,” I explained, “I *do* volunteer here, on Sunday mornings.  It’s just that –” (I waited for a few seconds in hopes that the barking would die down a bit) “– there’s an annual meeting and I don’t know where I’m supposed to be.”

 The woman paused for a moment to calm the bellowing boxer, before throwing me a glance of absolute bewilderment.  “Ummmmm, you mean Orientation?  I don’t know of any other meeting tonight.  Helen, do you know of any other meetings?”


“Oh, THAT meeting,” said the volunteer apparently named Helen.  “That’s NEXT week.  Not tonight.”

Dammit!  Dammit, dammit, dammit!

“Oh,” I stammered.  “Thank you.  I’m sorry.  That makes sense.”  I shook my head.  “Ladies, in my defense, I will tell you — my wedding is in TWENTY DAYS.”

Immediate comprehension flashed across their faces.  “Ohhhhhhhh.  Yeah that makes sense.”

Sigh.  As a consolation prize, I gingerly entered the wormhole bakery and emerged relatively unscathed — a slice of Tiramisu for Mike and a few mini cream-puffs for me.

Thank you, Ted.  You were right — the wedding really DOES work as an excuse for everything!

P.S. The Lissaville Animal Shelter currently boasts the FATTEST Basset hound I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  Her name is Twinkletoes.  Yes, really.

4 Responses to “In which I confuse myself, a police officer, two women, and a dog or two.”

  1. Brad K. said

    Hmm. Twinkletoes, is it? I imagine she danced her way into Someone’s heart .. and likely to match that performance for someone else!

    My friend had a mated Bassett Hound pair – and five adult “puppies” in their home. It was a joyous madhouse!

  2. Borepatch said

    No extra charge – it’s all part of the service.


  3. ZerCool said

    Even guys deal with the wedding insanities. Mine was last fall.

    If I may give you one piece of advice, that my mother gave to me?

    When you two are standing with the officiant, before you worry about who says what and so forth – just stop. Take a second, look at each other, smile, and say to yourselves, “OK. We made it. It’s smooth sailing from now on.”

    Whatever else happens during the day (and dear me, it’ll be a BLUR), never hesitate to take a minute to stop and breathe and just smile at each other.



    (Stumbled in from the Conspiracy, of course.)

    [Congratulations to you as well! A good piece of advice, and I’ll remember it — Lissa]

  4. Brad_in_MA said

    Congrats on your pending nuptuals. Mazel Tov, even if it is early.

    I laughed when I read about Twinkletoes. We have a neighbor with a Basset named Gus. The sad face, the droopy ears, etc., Gus just seems so fitting.

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