lookingforlissa

Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

Money ain’t everything

Posted by Lissa on January 28, 2009

UPDATE: Apparently the group was somewhat satire/parody, though the Times didn’t realize it.  Whew!

*language warning on this post, because there’s just no other way to say it*

On one hand, I’m glad that these women are telling their stories and finding support networks.  I once dated an investment-banker type myself; I know and agree that that type of alpha-male super-achiever (achievement measured by his trophy wife and his bank account, naturally) is a particular relationship challenge. 

However, you get what you sign up for.  And I find it hard to whip up a great deal of empathy for the “poor women” in a story like this:

Step 1: Slip into a dress and heels. Step 2: Sip a cocktail and wait your turn to talk. Step 3: Pour your heart out. Repeat as needed.

About 30 women, generally in their mid- to late-20s, regularly post to the Web site or attend meetings.

“We do make light of everything on the blog and it’s very tongue in cheek,” said Laney Crowell, 27, who parted ways with a corporate real estate investor last month after a tumultuous relationship. “But it all stems out of really serious and heartfelt situations.” [snip]

Raoul Felder, the Manhattan divorce lawyer, said that cases involving financiers always stack up as the economy starts to slip, because layoffs and shrinking bonuses place stress on relationships — and, he said, because “there aren’t funds or time for mistresses any more.”

(One such mistress wrote on the blog that when she pouted about not having been taken on a trip lately, her married man explained that with money so tight, his wife had taken to checking up on his accounts.)

Mmm, yeah, sorry lady, you don’t get any sympathy from me.

I truly believe that money problems are a primary marriage-killer.  (I’d guess it’s a dead heat between that and infidelity.)  A polite word of advice to these wives:  Don’t assume the money will last, any more than your husband should assume your beauty will remain the same.  Love the person, not the credit card, and you’ll be much better off.  (This is not exactly rocket science.)

For Christine Cameron, the recession became real when the financial analyst she had been dating for about a year would get drunk and disappear while they were out together, then accuse her the next day of being the one who had absconded.

Ummmm, no, the recession is not the problem.  The problem is that your boyfriend doesn’t have sufficient coping mechanisms and is using alcohol instead.  Send him to therapy/AA and stop blaming the economy for bringing the problem to light.

Because I believe that some of these women are genuinely nice people caught in a stressful situation, I will offer the following blunt, Rachel Lucas-inspired advice:

Don’t date assholes.

Women, don’t date men who are far more concerned with their job and status symbols than they are with your life and feelings.  Don’t ever date ANYONE who assumes he has the right to “get a little on the side.”  Don’t date someone who blames you when things go wrong.

Men, don’t date women who love you not for your mind and soul but for your cash.  Don’t date women whose first concern is how much money you make.  Don’t date ANYONE whose primary concern with a failing economy and how it might affect your job/life is that “your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life.”  (What *is* bottle service, anyway?)

Wasn’t that easy?  Don’t date assholes, and you’ll have a far smaller chance of marrying an asshole, and having that asshole live up to his/her asshole-ish reputation when an economic crisis hits.

You’re welcome.

(h/t The Corner)

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5 Responses to “Money ain’t everything”

  1. Jay G. said

    Lissa, I think you need to start an internet advice column…

    🙂

    And I promise not to sing at the next blogmeet…

    • Lissa said

      Why thanks Jay! But I have a feeling that would constitute most of my dating advice: “Don’t be an asshole. Don’t date assholes.” Hard to spin that into a new column every week.

      And you’re welcome to sing! But I claim the right to record it and blogpost it!!

  2. Ted said

    Jay, with your family heritage, I expect to hear Opera … 😉

    Lissa, the real problem that these mistresses have is that they don’t listen to Redneck Country music. That’s all about cheatin’ and done me wrong. Like this one:

    http://borepatch.blogspot.com/2008/06/saturday-redneck.html

    Didn’t their momma tell them that it would end badly?

    Of course, you’re unlikely to find analysis like this in the pages of the Grey Lady (or analysis like yours, for that matter), which is a pity. Their circulation might be a little better if you did.

  3. Brad K. said

    What bothers me about the story, is calling the bankers “partners”. Now, granted – these are all women dating bankers, some of those bankers might not be married. But some are.

    And the story doesn’t mention the economic impact on the banker’s wives. Just that one inconvenient biddy snooping the check book. What cheek!

    But then, the story doesn’t mention the impact on out and out call girls, either. Well, OK, there must be some difference between mistresses and call girls, I just can’t think of it right now. Oh! I know! The guy doesn’t have to be married to call a call girl!

    Like these ladies aren’t hanging out at a bar to share their stories. It really makes you wonder how so many bright young things could all find bozos, hanging around a bar..

  4. Ted said

    Via Megan McArdle, how about Dating A Banker Anonymous, a group blog (?) for golddiggers (?).

    I must be an old fart, because this completely mystifies me.

    http://dabagirls.wordpress.com/

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