Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

Dear Mr. Snooty Businessman

Posted by Lissa on October 10, 2008


When you are walking down a semi-crowded sidewalk in Boston and your trajectory exactly coincides with the trajectory of a person going in the opposite direction, accepted procedure is to slightly veer to one side or another in order to avoid collision. 

When I am walking down this same semi-crowded sidewalk and I see you coming directly at me (“HE’S COMING RIGHT FOR US!!!”), I will make slight overtures to see which way you would like to move.  If we move the same way, I will smilingly take two steps in the opposite direction so that we can pass one another without direct contact.

What I will NOT do is take three steps out of your path so that you can continue on your way unmolested, especially when your path is such that I can either move all the way to the left side of the walkway, or walk with one foot in the grass on the right.

What I *WILL* do is come to a dead halt and plant my feet, forcing you to either plow me over football-linebacker style or to move around me.  Furthermore, when you stop almost-within-touching-distance and look haughtily down your nose from your great height, I *STILL* will not move.  I will, however, raise my eyebrows, give you a half-smile and say, “exCUSE me” in such a tone as to make the second half of the sentence (namely, “what the f*ck is WRONG with you, dumbass?”) absolutely clear without verbalization.

That’s how it works around here.  I don’t care that you top me by over a foot and have a fancy suit and a leather briefcase.  Those are the kind of people who are a dime a dozen in my office, and I ain’t impressed.  Now learn the rules of the sidewalk or get the f*ck off my lawn.



6 Responses to “Dear Mr. Snooty Businessman”

  1. Jay G said

    Lissa, I gotta say, You RAWK!

    You’d think that a six foot tall, shaved head biker lookin’ guy wouldn’t run into this kinda thing.

    Well, you’d be right.


  2. Lissa said

    Ha! Yeah, there are advantages to being a tall dude. On the other hand, betcha five bucks I can make it through a crowd quicker than you without pissing anyone off! (It’s a trick I learned in the south; put a hand on guys’ arms or backs, smile very sweetly and say “Excuse me please!” and you just float through)

  3. Jay G. said

    I tend to favor Fezzik’s “EVERYBODY MOOOOOOVE” from “The Princess Bride” m’self. It was far more effective when I was heavier…

  4. caillean said

    Hahahah, Lissa, sometimes I swear the only thing worse than masshole drivers are the kamakazi-masshole pedestrians!

  5. Ted said

    Suit? Feh.

    The “power” uniform at Big Tech Company is the Hawaiian shirt. Bet ours just pwns his butt.

    And OBTW, that’s exactly why we call them “suits”.

    No offense, Lissa. I’m sure your suits totally pwn him, too. 😉

  6. Jim said

    This is an interesting post. I lived in Boston and I know what you mean.

    The irony of all of this is that the “suits are being fired left and right these days because of the market crash and the recession. It is precisely the sort of well-dressed fellow that you describe who is getting hit hardest right now.

    So for all we know, he is no longer a “suit”. He may well be barefoot in the kitchen while his wife or girlfriend is working. His leather briefcase may be collecting dust while his fancy suit and Italian shoes have been traded for jeans and a hoodie. It’s happening every day – literally.

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