OMFG OBAMA WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

Title comes from a text message from Mike.

Here’s the link.

More thoughts later.  *shaking head*

Are we sure this isn’t a spoof?

Government-run Health-Care’s New Slogan

“Because who needs penicillin, anyway??”

What penalties will deter your doctor from going beyond the electronically delivered protocols when your condition is atypical or you need an experimental treatment? The vagueness is intentional. In his book, Daschle proposed an appointed body with vast powers to make the “tough” decisions elected politicians won’t make.

The stimulus bill does that, and calls it the Federal Coordinating Council for Comparative Effectiveness Research (190-192). The goal, Daschle’s book explained, is to slow the development and use of new medications and technologies because they are driving up costs. He praises Europeans for being more willing to accept “hopeless diagnoses” and “forgo experimental treatments,” and he chastises Americans for expecting too much from the health-care system. [emphasis mine]

Got that, peasants?  Forget all those zany new experiment-y medicine-thingies; chicken soup was good enough for your grandparents, and it’s good enough for you.  Forget all those triumphant and inspiring stories of cancer survivors.  Accept your fate, and stop wasting our money already.

P.S. How much does AZT cost nowadays?  Is Daschle going to war with AIDS victims?  Homophobia!!!  Or . . .wait, since AZT is already developed, it’s okay to use, I guess?  Shut up and pass the fleam.

(h/t Hot Air)

What’s the proper punishment for this crime?

In this sophisticated age, young smartypants like me tend to shy away from use of the “evil.”  It’s just so coarse, so simplistic.  It sounds gauche.

But can anyone really doubt that evil exists?  With a capital E:

A WOMAN suspected of recruiting more than 80 female suicide bombers has confessed to organising their rapes so she could later convince them that martyrdom was the only way to escape the shame.

Samira Jassam, 51, was arrested by Iraqi police and confessed to recruiting the women and orchestrating dozens of attacks.

In a video confession, she explained how she had mentally prepared the women for martyrdom operations, passed them on to terrorists who provided explosives, and then took the bombers to their targets.

I swear, as a lifelong agnostic, stuff like this really makes me HOPE there is a god.  Because I imagine when she meets up with Allah, or Jesus, or Buddha, or The Flying Spaghetti Monster, they’ll mete out a justice that is wholly impossible in this mortal coil.

EVIL.

(h/t Hot Air)

What. The. ****

I have no words to express how absolutely disgusting, humiliating, shameful, reprehensible, worrying and abhorrent this is.  (Safe link; it includes a great photoshop for the idiots who find this crap appealing.)

Someone, please, tell me this is a hoax.  Would you chalk this up to A) bad taste, B) historical idiocy, C) just plain idiocy, D) all of the above?

Holocaust denial is bad enough, though I won’t support censorship of such views due to First Amendment rights.  But to CUTESIFY IT?

Please excuse me while I go heave up my lunch.

(h/t Seraphic Secret)

In support of Shame

Via Rachel Lucas, we find this gem of slobbering greed and classlessness:

Many US Airways (LCC) passengers who endured a crash landing in the Hudson River 12 days ago say they appreciate the $5,000 that the airline has offered — but some say it’s not enough.

Joe Hart, a salesman from Charlotte who suffered a bloody nose and bruises, says he “would like to be made whole for the incident.”

It’s too soon after the accident to determine what emotional distress he has suffered, he says.

…Hart says he has talked to a lawyer in North Carolina but hasn’t decided whether to take any legal action.

“I want to see how things play out with US Airways,” he says. “I’m hopeful US Airways understands the significance of the incident.”

Now, it goes without saying that many lawyers are scum-sucking devil-spawn.  (It’s like saying that most politicians are icky; it’s a no-brainer generalization.)  It likewise goes without saying that Mr. Joe Hart would be far better served by a kick in the crotch and papercuts doused with lemon juice than his current course of action.

But really, what it makes me think about is the lack of SHAME in the man. 

Could any of you picture yourselves doing this?  By a miracle of luck and skill and coolheadedness, your plane fails, but you land in the Hudson and not one person loses his/her life.  Yet instead of being grateful that 1) you survived, 2) you survived unscathed (no, bruises and a bloody nose DO NOT COUNT, YOU FREAKING WUSS), 3) you have a great story to tell, 4) your breakfast the next day tasted better “than any meal you and I have ever tasted” * . . . you want to sue.

Would I like some extra cash?  Absolutely!  (Wedding receptions aren’t what I would call cheap, you know.)  Do I occasionally fantasize about winning the lottery?  You betcha!  (I’ve already got plans on how much to dish to each family member before socking the rest away.  Oh, and bribing the Mass government for a gun permit.)  Would I entertain the thought of scoring a couple hundred grand without years of hard work?  Most definitely! . . . for a moment.

And then I would push that course of action away, disgusted.  BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A SHAMEFUL COURSE OF ACTION.

And because I would know that every single member of my family and every single one of my friends would find it a shameful and disgusting course of action.  Even if I were weak enough to bend to the monetary temptation on my own grounds — and I hope I would never do so — the knowledge that my family and friends would SHAME me would prevent that course of action.

I’ve wondered, back before I got settled with Mike, what it would be like to live in Arizona.  Or Montana.  Or Tennessee.  Somewhere that I had no family within easy driving reach.  Some place where, if I chose to live a shadier life – be someone’s mistress, or moonlight as an exotic dancer — my family wouldn’t know.  It’s an interesting daydream to entertain when family seems particularly overwhelming.

But, overwhelming or not, I can always trust my family’s sense of honor.  I’m not sure the power of my own conscience would always be enough to keep me safe from greed and other nasties, so it’s really nice to have a backup conscience built in. 

I am fairly sure I would never stoop to what Joe Hart is doing from my own sense of justice.  I know damn well that I would not go that low because my family would be ashamed of me. 

In summary, I guess what I’m trying to say is . . . where is Joe Hart’s family to save him from himself?  Trust me, there’s nothing like an older sibling or a horrified parent to turn on that good old-fashioned shame.**  And thank goodness for that.  It makes us all more decent.

*Fight Club reference
** I don’t have kids yet.  I imagine that adds a whole new level of conscience.

The Yoplait campaign – am I missing something?

I’m happily noshing my humble breakfast of a hard-boiled egg and a Yoplait Light when I notice the print on the yogurt’s foil lid:

In case the print is too small, it reads: 

HELP US RAISE UP TO $275,000 TO FIGHT HUNGER IN AMERICA

General Mills will donate 10¢ per Seal (Lid) up to $275,000 to Feeding America(TM) for each Pound for Pound Seal (Lid) received by 12/31/09.

Mail clean Seals (Lids) to:
Pound for Pound Challenge
P.O. Box 400013
El Paso, TX 88540-0013

Hmmm. 

So you want me to spend 42¢ on a stamp to mail you a used yogurt lid, after which you will donate 10¢ to a morass of bureaucracy and PR crap such that maybe 5¢ actually goes toward feeding hungry folks and their kids.  Maybe.

And this is preferable to spending fifty cents on a can of peas and donating it to the local food shelter . . . how??

P.S.  Seals = Lids.  Thanks.  I got it the first time, dude.

Karma in Action

A word to potential shoplifters out there:

1) Don’t do it. 

2) If you decide to be a criminal and shoplift, make sure you and the person driving your super-getaway-car don’t get your wires crossed, mmmmkay?

A report said the shoplifter tried to get into the vehicle but fell out and was run over by the car. She then got up and jumped onto the hood of the car. As the car was driving away, the report said the woman fell off and was run over again. On her third attempt, she finally made it into the vehicle.

Police are using the car’s license plate and a check the woman dropped to track her down.

I suppose we’ll add 3) Don’t drop a freaking CHECK on your way out the door.  (shaking head)

Makes me think of something LawDog once wrote (in a post appropriately titled “Surely they’re not that dumb”):

We’ve got a dealer who’s sold meth to the same undercover officer driving the same vehicle six times in a row. Which isn’t so bad, except that the last time the dealer walked up to the truck, he says “Hey! I know you! You busted me before!”

To which the undercover cop responds, “Yeah, but I didn’t mean it.”

Critter pouts, “Man, you really hurt me with some of those things you said when you testified against me the last time.”

Cop says, “Hey, man, sorry about that, but you know my bosses — they get kind of single-minded about this kind of thing. Got twenty dollars worth?”

Critter digs around his BVDs, “Yeah, hang on. Here you go … oh, [deleted] you’re going to bust me again, aren’t you?”

I swear to Shiva sometimes I think the State of Texas needs a “Not Guilty By Reason of Stupidity” verdict.

Oh, well, if they were smart, I’d be out of a job.

LOL.  Read this one too, while you’re at it.

P.S.  TOTWTYTR, job security indeed!

Is this supposed to make sense?

From the comments of an Oscar Grant post at HotAir:

libs are racist because they just nominated and elected a black president? okaaaayyy…. let me ask you what is the percentage of GOP lawmakers that are black?

Noneya on January 14, 2009 at 4:02 PM

[snipped a bunch of comments]

When black Republicans do show themselves – and there are a lot more than you’re willing to admit – its people like YOU that throw Oreos at them.

Ryan Gandy on January 14, 2009 at 6:20 PM

i’ve never thrown anything at them, but yes they are a disgrace- the equivalent of jewish nazis….

Noneya on January 14, 2009 at 6:43 PM

So let me get this straight:

1) Republicans are racist because they have no black lawmakers.

2) If the Republicans DID have black lawmakers, those black Republicans would be a disgrace and the equivalent of Jewish Nazis.

Well, that makes just all KINDS of sense to me. 

And when I say “all kinds of sense,” I mean, “Goodness, that person is a bloody MORON in desperate need of a logic class.”

So, if the GOP had no black lawmakers . . . they would be free of Jewish Nazis, which is a good thing, right?  Or . . . they’re racist for NOT having Jewish Nazis?  It’s too confusing!!!!

P.S. Usual disclaimer — there are idiots and asshats on both sides of the political spectrum, of course.

Ad fail

Inspired by Bruce’s Facebook Flair Fail — this one and this one I especially loved — when this popped up on my Yahoo screen I had to screenprint it.

Because, REALLY, y’all.  I just had an intense urge to get my degree online (in as Few as 2 Years!), so that I could earn a stuck-in-the-headlights terrified reindeer about to become elf-food diploma.

Poor reindeer are peeing their little reindeer diapers at the very thought.   Just LOOK at them — that’s the kind of sick, desperate smile that chickens give Colonel Sanders when he enters the pen.

Enough people thought this was a good idea that it got posted on Yahoo, y’all.  The next time you drive on the highway, the next time someone takes your credit card over the phone — it could be someone THAT DUMB.

Frightening.

MOTHER OF GOD, UGLY CAKE ALERT

I mean, dear holy sweet cucumber god on a piece of mayonnaise-smeared toast.  I’ve posted on ugly cakes before, I know, but . . . DAMN. 

Mike and I are looking at cake shops to provide us with a wedding cake.  One of the more reputable cake shops in area surrounding Lissaville (Home of the Evil Conservatives) seemed like a lovely place, so I started looking through their web site.

Why??  Why, why, why, why????  (Logos are withheld to protect the not-so-innocent.)

This first case is a cake with delusions of grandeur.  This is the kind of cake that was a beauty queen twenty-five years ago, and made her daughter enter the same contest, and on bad nights drinks vodka and prances around with her old sash and tiara crying, “I’m a winner!  I’m a winner!”

 

I suppose, then, our next cake has accidentally ingested her sash after that second bottle and the poor thing is now spilling flowers out of her innards.  And also the crown of her head.

 

Oh c’mon, Lissa, you say, they’re not all that bad.  The flowers are kind of pretty.

Oh yeah?? say I.  And what kind of excuse do you have for this??  That the groomsmen has some, er, EGO problems?

 

 

Well, as long as we’re going to the seashore, I suppose we might as well go the whole hog.  If Prince Humperdink ever DID fight to The Pain, and then [was] dumped in a sparkly grotto, this is what he would look like:

 

 

Last AND least, let us examine this charming confection.  When trying to come up with a humorous description I mentally drafted a phrase about female body parts and nasty infections, but since this is post-dinner I’ll use Jenny’s phrase: Oh my god this is SO BABES IN TOYLAND!

 

And there you have it, folks.  Someone decided that these cakes looked good.  Some other people agreed with them and had these cakes AT THEIR WEDDINGS.  Then some OTHER people decided these cakes looked good enough to be showpieces on the website.

The world is most definitely doomed.