Hey, remember That Woman? Yeah, well, she’s been working overtime for the holidays, it appears.
Case in point: Our little work holiday party and seven-person Yankee swap. She left three times during the lunch — with no stated excuse — and was gone so long the third time I had to come find her and tell her we were waiting to do the gift swap. Oh Lissa, say you, that’s poor manners but hardly idiotic. Conceded. She didn’t get full-on idiotic until we were walking out.
Our co-worker CD (very nice girl) said something silly and laughed at herself. That Woman then looked at CD and said, smilingly and loudly, “Are you drunk?”
(We’re walking out of the conference room and into the office proper at this point. You know, where the Vice Presidents and Managing Directors reside. Cue uncomfortable glances with wide eyes.)
And then she follows her screwy question with an earnest and equally loud, “No, I’m serious! Is that vodka in your Coke bottle?”
Wha? Gah . . .Mmf . . . WTF, over?
Understand, too — A) I happen to know that CD doesn’t drink, ever, because of medical complications; B) That Woman likes CD. She wasn’t saying these horribly work-inappropriate things to be cruel or get CD in trouble. She was just saying them because she’s a f***ed-up moron.
Case 2: I was wearing my all-black choir outfit on Friday, with a black-gold-and-silver pashmina Mike’s folks brought me from Italy to add a splash of style. That Woman looked me up and down while she waited for an elevator and was very complimentary. In fact, as she told me, “That’s so stylish, I really like your whole ensemble.”
But she pronounced it “on-som-bluh.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her . . .
And, as Mike pointed out later, it could have been worse. She could have said “on-som-BLAY.” And then gotten a McCafé, to make a better day possiblé.
(I hate those McDonald’s ads with all the furor of a wet cat thrown into the snow. I will never never got one of those lattés, just on principle. Of course, the fact that regular milk (as opposed to Lactaid or soy milk) goes through my system like Indian food goes through a poodle has nothing to do with it.)
