lookingforlissa

Escape your life for a little while — come play in mine.

Posts Tagged ‘LOLposts’

Happy Halloween from Rajah!!

Posted by Lissa on November 1, 2010

Hi everyone!  I’m not dead!!  I am, however, a creature of routine. Every weekday morning I would wake up, drink coffee while composing a blogpost, then hie myself off to the gym or to the shower (depending on the clock’s menace or benignity).

Here?  I wake up around seven.  I sit on the couch reading and sipping coffee.  Then Mike goes off to work and I . . . do whatever.  Sometimes it’s unpacking boxes.  Sometimes it’s admiring the bright yellow flowers on my tomato plants.  Sometimes it’s helping my husband kill a snake.  For a good portion of the last week, it was entertaining two houseguests.  Somehow, checking the internet didn’t make the list.  Hell, if it weren’t for Mike I probably wouldn’t know when the weekend rolled around.  (But don’t worry!  I know I need to vote tomorrow!!!)

Except, of course, Halloween.  You think I’d lose sight of that???

(In retrospect, we probably needed the “small” costume, not the “medium.”  Oh well.)

RAJAH SAYS, WELCOME TO FLORIDA!!!!

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IT’S COMIN’ RIGHT FOR US!!!

Posted by Lissa on August 20, 2009

Since everyone else is doing it . . .

Squirrel gun!

Chickens and squirrels get along just fine!

Get 'im, Rajah!!

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Today’s snorfle

Posted by Lissa on June 25, 2009

Today, my brother and I found a little bird that couldn’t fly. While trying to convince my mom that it couldn’t fly so we could keep it, I lightly tossed it in the air and it landed a few feet in front of me. Then my cat grabbed it and ate it. FML

Cat owners everywhere are shaking their heads and going Shoulda seen that one coming, buddy.

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A LOLcatz Love Story

Posted by Lissa on May 18, 2009

Of course I’m posting this.  OF.  COURSE.

Swiped from Educated & Poor!

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I agree with Crystal, this site is AWESOME

Posted by Lissa on March 24, 2009

Between making chicken-pesto-pasta with asparagus and prepping the Crock Pot coq au vin for tonight’s dining pleasure, I spent all my spare time last night in the kitchen instead of updating my blogroll.  Dammit!  Maybe tonight?  Hey, maybe I’ll even manage to catch Gun Nuts!

In the meantime, you can check AD and Jay and Borepatch and a bunch of other places to read up on the Northeast Dinner/Bloggershoot with AD.  Or, if you’re in the mood for a laugh, you can traipse on over to FML.  I got there from Crystal’s site and I’m just laughing myself silly.  A few workplace-friendly examples:

Today, me and couple of friends were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car at 30 that had stopped to help her.FML

Today, it’s my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday.FML

Today, I fell asleep in class.As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out.FML

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn’t raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window.FML

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of only two weeks. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. I yelped and turned around to see my mother as the culprit. My girlfriend punched her. I found out my mother is a Cougar and my girl has a mean right hook. FML

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying.Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable.When I called to ask why they couldn’t fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop.FML

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I’m scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn’t strong enough to open the lid.FML

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

*gigglesnort* Admit it — your day now seems a helluva lot better, does it not?

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Yes, these were actually printed

Posted by Lissa on March 16, 2009

Oh my!!

om-nom-nom

thatll-teach-im

This and lots more from Criggo.  Got the tip from Robb Allen; thanks for the laugh, Robb!

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Is your screen dirty?

Posted by Lissa on March 13, 2009

Then click here!

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Balloon animals gone wrong

Posted by Lissa on February 24, 2009

I’m sleepy, cold and just a bit cranky, so I’m posting something that made me giggle hysterically.  It’s crude, in poor taste, and not really safe for work.  Enjoy :)

(got it from my sister)

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A joke so bad it’s . . . well, still kind of bad.

Posted by Lissa on January 22, 2009

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (though not as far as Endor, to be sure) there lived a king and three knights. (There were actually more than three knights, but those knights do not concern us. We shall therefore ignore their existence.) The king was a good and happy king, save for one problem — he had no son. (Alas, in those days upon this time of which we speak, there were no enlightened womens-rights activists to whack the king over the head until he saw that his daughter, lovely and charming though she was, had also a first-class brain. Which was lucky for the princess, for she planned to be the power behind the throne; her first-class brain reasoned that if the knights ever revolted, they were likely to chop off her husband’s head and leave her pretty neck intact.)

Anyway, as the tale goes, the king declared that the three bravest, most successful, most powerful, richest — well, you get the picture; they wuz the shiznit! — knights were to battle each other for the right to wed the princess. Being brave, strong, powerful knights, they immediately informed their squires that they (the squires) would be battling on behalf of the knights. “Go forth, brave squires,” said each, “and fight for glory! Fight for honor! Fight for my right to hop into the sack with that pretty princess! And, um, I’ll give you a raise or something.”

Unfortunately for some of the squires (but fortunately for our story), the knights were not equally rich and powerful; they did not have equal amounts of squires. In fact, the numbers were rather unequal; while the first knight had something like twenty squires, the second had only ten or so, and the third lowly knight had only one single squire.

Undaunted, the knights ordered their squires to meet in the forest glen, for upon the next dawn they would battle to the death. The last squire alive would win victory on behalf of his knight (and then probably expire from wounds, but, like the extra knights, that does not concern us at this time).

Luckily for one of the squires (and this, indeed, makes the gist of our tale), he had both a strong survival instinct and the ability to think creatively. This single squire — as a matter of accuracy, I will specify that this squire was the single squire belonging to the third knight — hied himself to the glen at midnight. Then, in darkness, he twisted a strong rope into a noose, hoisted a large iron cauldron up into the treetops and crept into the vessel, concealing himself.

At daybreak, the squires of the first knight and second knight met with a great and bloody clash. They fought, and slashed, and parried. They punched and kicked and bit. They bled and twisted and died. (Which surprises no one. War ain’t pretty, you know.)

And when at last the battle dust had settled, it was seen that not a single squire on the field of battle was left alive. But high above the field of battle, the single squire stood up in his cauldron and claimed victory.

The third knight therefore won the right to marry the princess. And he did, indeed; and the old king died peacefully; and the new queen (who used to be the princess) used her first-class brain to run the kingdom without ever hurting the pride of the new king (who used to be the third knight), and they all lived happily ever after. Not that we really care about that, because there was a lesson to our story. And that lesson is . . .

. . .

. . .

that the squire of the high pot and noose was equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

P.S. Got this joke from Mike, who got it from his dad, who used to tell MATH JOKES when he was a kid. I admit to embellishing it just a bit.

UPDATE: Doubletrouble linked with his own version, thanks!  Also, I made Jay’s head hurt *snigger*

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Rajah versus The Solstice

Posted by Lissa on December 31, 2008

Thank you, LilBro 1 and LilBro 2.  Thank you for asking Jenny what Mike would like.  Thank you for listening to her advice about how he loves all things mechanical and remote-controlled.  Thank you for providing The Kitty Den with the unutterably wicked and gleeful delight that we have captured here:

P.S. Please, please don’t sic PETA on me.  We love our kitty.  That’s why we humiliate him and post the record for the world to see.  It makes perfect sense, does it not?

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